id be glad to
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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