I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
