I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
