im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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