i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
