Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Blood and glitter go together right?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
