Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
