I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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