Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
