I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize