One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
