ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize