Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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