If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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