Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
its liver damage thursday
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
