Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
