I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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