btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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