May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
