I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
