I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
