So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
