I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
