4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Randomize
