You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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