I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
