oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
