when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Alive.
So much puke
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
