The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
