my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
