Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
This baby is an asshole
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
