why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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