Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
