I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
