I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
