My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize