were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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