Fine. I'll sleep in my office
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
