As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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