i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize