Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Who died my cat blue again?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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