Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
