I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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