I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
