we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
