just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
