Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
