don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
