he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
