today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
