I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
