why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
