Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
