One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
