he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
