My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
how does that bad decision feel?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
