maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
