I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
