New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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