I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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