In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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