so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
