It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
