i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
