Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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