Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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