Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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