Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
