She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
well, you know. whores of a feather.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
