I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just forgot I was standing up.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
