I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
