problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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