i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
