this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I love you.
Bad choice
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
